It's a funny thing about tests, ya know. For my yellow belt, I felt nervous as all get-out, worried about it so much that I could barely sleep the night before. Then, I nailed the thing. I was happy and exhausted afterward, pleased to have done well, proud of mastering the first basics of Shaolin.
Today I tested for orange belt. Man, felt like I sucked. What happened to the skills, the next tiny portion of knowlege, that I'd been working on so hard for these past couple of months? I knew the stuff, my muscles & my nerves & my brain had all their bits, but just couldn't seem to work together today. I stumbled. I hesitated. I was sloppy. The test felt like it went on and on and on (though I think it did not go on for very much longer than the first one) and it felt like drowning. Just let me get through this, I kept telling myself. I'll do better next time. I'll get another chance to do this right. Just keep going. Hold together. Never quit.
Well, I passed. I wasn't sure I would, but I did. I'm not so pleased and happy about this one, though. Everyone has an off day and today was certainly one for me. I didn't like how that felt, so just a reason to work harder, I guess.