Saturday, April 23, 2005

Purple Belt, and mundane life

Welp, yesterday was my test for purple belt. It was held at another dojo, with more senseis, and I was warned it would be tougher than the previous tests. Oh, were they ever right about that. I dutifully increased my water consumption for the entire week before the test, running to the ladies' room every half hour at work and wondering if it was enough (um, nope, it wasn't.)

The good news is, I knew the damn cigarettes were killing me and I had to put 'em away sometime soon, so knowing that karate was getting harder and harder just as I was impairing my ability to breathe more and more was what finally motivated me to quit, cold turkey. Haven't had a smoke since March 22. One day at a time, my friends.

So the belt test went on for about four hours (!!!) and I am happy to say I made it through, even though it felt like I was gonna die. LOL. I think everyone says that about tests; they're supposed to challenge you a lot. I do have my serious doubts about making through the next test, which would be blue belt, if it increases in difficulty that much more ... and it will. Oh, you can bet it will. Heh. My sensei says that they won't send up anyone who isn't ready for the test, and that when it's time I'll be able to do it just fine. He's right. Of course he is. It's just ... trusting him and trusting myself is the hard part for me ;)

I get to wear a black gi now. Heh. (Thanks, dearheart!)

Haven't been riding a lot, what with the on and off rain all this spring. Minnie and I rode up to San Luis Obispo for a sandwich, just because we're loony. We felt like riding all day. It was a good day. And a good sandwich, LOL. I am looking forward to summer weather, which will be here soon with any luck!

Oh, and that woman who broke my heart two years ago? The one I'm still in love with? (Yeah, her.) I had dinner with her last week & it was actually pleasant, a convivial and chatty meal, so at least she's not calling me names any more. I have no idea why she wanted to have dinner with me. Odd, isn't it? Her invite came out of the blue. When I spend any time thinking about it, I react with suspicion, then a tiny ray of hope, then dope-smack myself for hoping for anything. Gods, I am still so fragile about her. I'm hanging in. It's all I can do. I refuse to walk down that path towards self-destructiveness again.